3/16
2010
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Smile
I just watched this clip of Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros’ appearance on Letterman this summer. I had heard of the band before but never listened to their music until I found out that an actress that I like (Nora Kirkpatrick from Dorm Life who is hilarious and, well, magnetic) plays accordion in the group.
So I watched them perform, and before I could even register the music, I thought, “Why the hell are these people so smiley?” One of the lead singers, Jade, smiled the entire time. A smile isn’t really the right word for the expression that was on her face. It was more like pure joy and ebullience pouring out of her jumping bean body. So my second thought was, “Why the hell does other peoples’ happiness make me feel embarrassed and immediately uncomfortable? Do I think it’s fake? Am I just bitter?”
Ultimately, I watched the video about four more times, partly because I fell in love with the song, but mostly because I realized that their joy wasn’t fake. It was the true happiness of this group of people, playing instruments together and trusting and loving each other. And that brought me immense joy.
I think I was uncomfortable with all of the unadulterated happiness because I projected my own self consciousness on the performers. I don’t know if I’ve ever shown that kind of emotion in public, let alone to the kind of audience Letterman has. I think I have shied away from that kind of public display of self-affection, because I’m afraid of the crash I will experience if that affection isn’t reciprocated, or much worse, is actively taken away.
I can’t change overnight, but I’ll keep watching this video and listening to the album and I’ll have Jade and the other magnetic musicians to remind me to smile.
