November 2011
2 posts
September 2011
3 posts
One song always makes me compelled to say...
Nowhere Near the End
Today’s the day. September 21, 2011. On my 24th birthday, 12/21/09, I resolved to evolve. Prompted by my miserable third attempt at college, I decided that I was wasting time and money in school while I was self-destructive and -sabotaging. I wanted to change my life, expand my mind, release myself from years of shame that held me captive and invite more people into my world. I had a list of...
March 2011
1 post
Another Conversation With A Child That Could Have...
Sidenote: 30 seconds earlier, this kid sneezed and a thick rope of yellow snot stretched from his nose to the fly of his jeans. Again. So I already want to be anywhere but here. (I would later find myself chipping away some of his... material from my coat. Fucking outdoor recess.)
Kid: Woah, Ms. Rebecca! You have such hairy arms!
Me: Yeah, I know. It's ok, though. What did we learn about mammals?
Kid: But I don't have any hair...
Me: It happens when you get older.
Kid: So, are you older than my dad? Because he doesn't have that much hair.
February 2011
5 posts
Today's Conversation That Could Have Thrown Me...
Kid: Hey, Rebecca. Do you know which Mario character you remind me of? [Moderately attractive guy at the next table smiles and glances over.]
Me: Nope, who? That peach one?
Kid: No, there's this fat dog that walks around on his hind legs. I don't know his name, and he doesn't do much. But he's really fat. Not that you're fat. But he's really fat. You just have something in common...
January 2011
2 posts
3 tags
December 2010
1 post
November 2010
4 posts
The thing about leaving my cat alone for a couple of days is that when I get home and pet her, she loses a lot of hair all at once. I have to shower. I can feel it in the air, up my nose, between my teeth. I mean, I love you girl, but I gotta go brush my tongue.
September 2010
6 posts
I’m just watching That 70’s Show on TeenNick, and I’m wondering if Miranda Cosgrove, and comparable “tween” starlets, are going to be around in 10 years. These are young kids we are paying a fortune of money to entertain us. Are they actually going to be remembered in the stories we’ll tell our grandchildren in the diner?
P.S. I’m totally looking forward...
“It was just the most thrilling, incredible moment. She was speaking at the...”
– Tim Gunn, on meeting Michelle Obama
Frisky Q&A: Tim Gunn On Evil Gretchen, Martha Stewart’s Rude Kid, And Kissing Michelle Obama
I love that I’m just seeing this John Water’s quote now, because just in the last few days I have started, and half-finished, and novel with his blurb on the back cover. On my copy of A.M. Homes’ book, This Book Will Save Your Life* {3? 4}, John Waters is quoted to have called it, “a scarily human, kind, and alarming epic of second chances. If Oprah went insane, this might...
“You should never read just for ‘enjoyment.’ Read to make yourself smarter! Less...”
– John Waters (via @fabulousraye)
August 2010
1 post
July 2010
3 posts
A little, bitty, informal poll:
Should I watch American Psycho right now? Things to keep in mind:
I don’t like scary movies.
It’s midnight and I’m alone.
I love Christian Bale.
If you have any opinion whatsoever, please vote. You may change my life.
June 2010
2 posts
“It’s not safe out there! People are shaving their crotches as we speak!...”
– Marge the Neuter (Mink Stole), A Dirty Shame {58} I’m really loving this movie! I can’t believe I haven’t seen it until today. I have a vague memory of watching a John Waters film on one of those fake sick days of my childhood. Hmmm. I wonder if I will ever really admit those to...
May 2010
7 posts
Guys, I don’t know what’s happening! I’m looking forward to going to the gym tomorrow… Which would be the third day in a frickin row(!).
This is feeling pretty right…
One of my favorite things (my favorite thing?) is...
I think I need to work on visualizing my body exercising. I don’t even have a picture of it in my mind. Before I can ever run a mile, I need to imagine that it’s possible for me to run a mile. Trudging to the gym, filled with doubt, what can I expect to achieve?
I joined a gym today. Mixed feelings. But ultimately, I’m excited. I wore a bathing suit for the first time in four years and was moderately comfortable walking around in it and dressing in the locker room.
I’m reluctant to say it, but I feel pretty optimistic about this new endeavor. I have to make this work because I’m more unhealthy every single day. Mentally, physically, I...
BLOCK
I feel like my brain and my mouth speak different languages. Not a good thing because I’m going through some serious issues and I just want to talk about them. More than that, I want to write about them. AND I CAN’T GET THE FUCKING WORDS OUT!!!
Does everyone else feel invisible sometimes?
April 2010
5 posts
Not so cryptic.
I’ve been having these dreams that I go to a party at a guy’s apartment and suddenly leave to have television characters deliver Cinnabon to me in bed.
Malaise
I want to write here much more often. I have a lot to say, and lately I’ve felt invisible and lonely and sad. Sometimes this blog is the only time I feel even moderately eloquent, and in the past three weeks I’ve been much more dedicated to wasting time than doing anything productive. Very often, I have composed entire posts in my head and failed to type them out.
I can hardly even...
March 2010
7 posts
Smile
I just watched this clip of Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros’ appearance on Letterman this summer. I had heard of the band before but never listened to their music until I found out that an actress that I like (Nora Kirkpatrick from Dorm Life who is hilarious and, well, magnetic) plays accordion in the group.
So I watched them perform, and before I could even register the music, I...
Celebrate
I bought a new table today. It has replaced the trunk that I asked my parents to buy me for my birthday two years ago. The one that I found online and waited for in the mail and tried to assemble before realizing that they sent two J pieces and no K piece and even so, my Dad tried to help me by slathering the wrong piece with vaseline to try to grease it into a slot that was just too thin.
When I...
“Though much is taken, much abides; and though We are not now that strength which...”
– Someone gave me a card with this quote from Alfred Lord Tennyson’s Odysseus when I was done with the eating disorder program at Renfrew three years ago. I’m not sure I appreciated these words back then, but I’m amazed that I accidentally stumbled upon this slip of paper today of all...
The feelings can't kill you.
Today, I gave myself permission to fail. Don’t get me wrong, I have failed at plenty of things in my life, but I carry those experiences around with me like a scarlet letter. I have so much shame about so many things that I feel absolutely crippled by it and completely incapable of imagining a future where I wouldn’t be judged by my past mistakes. There is no statute of limitations in...
Elbow Grease (gross...)
So… I think my (pretty sudden) resurgence of depression this last week was caused by the fact that I took an incomplete in my speech class from last semester and the time has come for me to turn in my work. I let three months pass without thinking about Monroe’s Motivated Sequence, and I’m really disappointed (but not at all surprised) that I have retained my crown as Queen...
4:42 a.m.
If you are reading this blog, I can trust that you want to know me. The following is some of the most honest stuff I could ever say about myself. If you don’t want to read it, that’s fine. It’s heavy. Not everyone in my life has to be on this level with me. I have some friendships that are superficial and I’m happy to keep them that way. But there might be one person out...
February 2010
29 posts
